tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451934887309223971.post5981058159075818321..comments2023-02-27T03:35:08.277-08:00Comments on William M Dean - Slices of Laugh: Those Unspoken Japanese WordsWilliam M Deanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04930744121434219723noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451934887309223971.post-23765106746967191332021-09-17T23:32:33.776-07:002021-09-17T23:32:33.776-07:00Thanks for the link, though I managed to find the ...Thanks for the link, though I managed to find the story and read it, yesterday. Differing cultural expectations regarding silence is definitely a thing when it comes to the Japanese. I have persevered for almost 20 years with my wife and have learned that there is some wisdom to not talking everything out as we "woke" North Americans tend to want to do. So, for that, I'm thankful. But the connection between silence and intimacy is a tougher one to endure. Basically, even after all these years, there is a much deeper, richer human within her that I will never have access to and this leaves an emotional hole for me because I've had such depth in every previous relationship. As I've got older, though, it’s forced me to become more self-reliant (which is amazing as I was already a very independent and self-reliant individual) and so can still find a great degree of happiness but at the cost of a closeness and a certain form of comfort that I still miss. I have also observed that intimacy-reluctant (opposed? impaired??) people do not change easily...I've only ever witnessed it in response to an overwhelming disaster and emotional breakdown—and even then, it was temporary. So, I am learning not to hope for more. Sounds depressing, but so much else is right in our relationship that, at this point, I wouldn't trade it. However, if I'd known, going in... I dun'no, man.William M Deanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04930744121434219723noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451934887309223971.post-71570054614783773512021-09-10T01:32:37.171-07:002021-09-10T01:32:37.171-07:00Thanks for the reply. You're certainly not alo...Thanks for the reply. You're certainly not alone. I've read plenty of posts in blogs and forums from men and women commenting on the behavior of their boyfriend/girlfriend etc. Sometimes they'll cut off for good with no explanation. In some cases, extreme, a wife will disappear with the kids. My case is a lady who hasn't gotten to be a girlfriend yet although maybe she saw differently after only meeting up a few times. My directness I'm sure offended her Japanese sensitivities and since then, the big chinmoku or maybe mokusatsu over something I thought would be resolved in 48 hours. Two months later, just two terse replies. Such a shame as we have so much in common but she can't get over the 'offence' Maybe it's a pride thing. I had a similar experience with a Korean friend years ago. Here's the story I mentioned www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4078242/amp/Sulking-husband-went-20-YEARS-without-speaking-wife.htmlNeferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05960954244371515756noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451934887309223971.post-6149975280477516142021-09-09T16:27:01.957-07:002021-09-09T16:27:01.957-07:00Thanks for the suggestion...definitely an interest...Thanks for the suggestion...definitely an interesting story with some relevance to our situation. My wife now freely admits that she is an extreme type of person who acts either 100% or 0%, and rarely anywhere in between. I now understand her a lot better and have learned to accept, and to not take her behaviour personally...it's not something that I have any influence over. And, judging from feedback from other readers married to Japanese people, I don't think I'm alone.William M Deanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04930744121434219723noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451934887309223971.post-29023784347396235592021-09-09T16:18:23.141-07:002021-09-09T16:18:23.141-07:00Unfortunately, not by me. Sorry. But thanks for re...Unfortunately, not by me. Sorry. But thanks for reading.William M Deanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04930744121434219723noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451934887309223971.post-87182699317364809302021-09-08T17:14:46.195-07:002021-09-08T17:14:46.195-07:00Could that pic at the end be explained, please?Could that pic at the end be explained, please?Neferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05960954244371515756noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451934887309223971.post-43812867623308751642021-09-08T17:12:45.946-07:002021-09-08T17:12:45.946-07:00Look up the story of the Japanese man that ignored...Look up the story of the Japanese man that ignored his wife for 20 years....and she put up with it. All cos he was a bit jealous....Neferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05960954244371515756noreply@blogger.com