Wednesday, 2 September 2015

Thoughts on Intimacy, Part 2/3 - Wandering Partners


Wandering Partners:

There are a lot of reasons why people cheat, but a common one would be to try to make up for an intimacy imbalance.

Sex is emotional candy. It can't sustain a full relationship but it's a boost to our self esteem and provides an artificial feeling of intimacy. When there is an intimacy gap in a long-term relationship, there comes an urge to fill it. Sex is one easy way, though it's therapeutic affects are short term.

For some, a very low level of intimacy is their comfort zone. These people want this gap in their relationship, yet still crave the feeling of closeness. For these people, the deep familiarity that comes with a long-term relationship can make them claustrophobic and a casual sexual partner can appear to be a very attractive option.

At the other end of the spectrum, intimacy-cravers need feedback from their spouse to maintain their self esteem. A lack of communication can leave them feeling insecure and vulnerable to the attentions of another.

If you don't want your partner to cheat, or feel like cheating, you should do all you can to close the intimacy gap between you. But remember, this could just as likely mean allowing more emotional space, as it might mean deeply connecting. One, or both of you, may have to journey far beyond your emotional comfort zone.


As this Google image search demonstrates, intimacy is popularly misrepresented as being entirely sexual.


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