Wednesday, 17 February 2016

I Know, Right! (Christmas Play Script)

Rather than just filing away all the little scripts and speeches that I am forced to write so that my kids can participate in the Christmas pageant, friends can turn a year older, or their kids can get married and/or graduate, I thought I'd start posting them, so that others can adapt them for their own needs.

Just for the record, I am officially releasing this work into the Public Domain. You can use it whenever and wherever you like. Some credit would be nice, but not required.

This is the play I wrote for a home schooler Christmas play when my kids were 8 and 10 years old. It was meant to sound Charlie-Brown-ish. You can see how it turned out for us on YouTube. (Click Here) Then, cut and paste and adapt it for your own use.

I Know, Right!
by William M. Dean

Two weary kids meet over the breakfast table Rihana in bathrobe, Noah in Pokemon trainer outfit and bathrobe. They both have a pen, pieces of paper and a mug of coffee…

NOAH: You look about as tired as I feel.

RIHANA: (sigh) Busy season.

NOAH: I know, right! It’s almost nine am and I’ve still got (shaking paper) about 200 hints to drop, before noon.

RIHANA: I know, right! I’ve been working fairies into the conversation for months and Mom and Dad still don’t know a Winx from a Pixie. It’s sad, really. I’m beginning to think that our parents are, basically, unteachable.

NOAH: I know, right! I wonder if either of them even realize I’m into Pokemon?! Maybe I’m being too subtle?

RIHANA: I know, right! I circled almost every toy in the Wish Book and still Mom says nothing. She just keeps skipping right to the clothing section. The implications are frightening.

NOAH: I know, right! Maybe we should write some notes in the margin of the clothing section telling her what page the toys are on.

RIHANA: That’s a good idea. I’d better write that down. If I don’t write things down these days, I’ll never remember.

NOAH: I know, right! Our minds are completely overloaded. Every day, we have to brush our teeth, play, dress ourselves, play, do an hour of home school, play and then suddenly we’ve got to fit in all this Christmas stuff on top of that!

RIHANA: I know, right! Thank goodness there’s coffee. (raises mug, sips coffee)

(both pause, sip coffee)

NOAH: And then there’s Dad and his lame Christmas joke.

RIHANA: You’re going to have to be more specific: Which lame Christmas joke?

NOAH: I know, right! What I hate the most is a whole month of being referred to as a Gnome schooler—for the third year in a row.

RIHANA: I know, right! Cracks him up, every time.

NOAH: You’d think he’d notice that no one else has ever laughed.

RIHANA: I know, right!

(pause, sip coffee)

RIHANA: I hate all the delays, this time of year. I’m still waiting on Santa’s reply so I can find out exactly HOW good I have to be. I just don’t have the resources to be any better than necessary.

NOAH: I know, right! There should be standards. It’s been, like, 2000 years: Could someone please hurry up and quantify this thing?

RIHANA: I know, right!
(pause to sip coffee)
RIHANA: Well, we’re in the homestretch. Time to step it up a notch.

NOAH: Yeah. We’ve got to increase the frequency of the hints and hope they finally catch on.

RIHANA (getting up): Well, our parents may be clueless, but at least we can rely on Santa to bring the right things.

NOAH (getting up): Yeah. Santa might be the only grown up who’s on the ball!

(walking away together)

RIHANA: I know, right!


Here are some books you could buy. 
Coincidentally, I wrote them!


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