Tuesday, 27 December 2016

The 1990s (Christmas Play Script)

Rather than just filing away all the little scripts and speeches that I am forced to write so that my kids can participate in the year-end home schooler's Christmas pageant, friends can turn a year older and their kids can get married and/or graduate, I'm posting them so that others can adapt them for their own needs. Just for the record, I am officially releasing this work into the Public Domain. You can use it whenever and wherever you like. Some credit would be nice, but not required.

The theme for our 2013 Christmas play was assigned to us and was Christmas in the 1990's. I struggled with this one as it seemed to me that Christmas in the 1990's was not substantially different that Christmas in 2013. Eventually, I cheated and used Christmas only as a segue into a play about the 1990's.

Click here to see the captioned Video: https://youtu.be/aClN3RY4bW8

Here is the script...

Two kids run in to see Dad who is sitting in armchair reading newspaper…

Kids (together): Dad! Tell us a story about Christmas!

Dad: A story about Christmas, huh? I don’t actually know any Christmas stories. How about I tell you about the 1990’s?

Kids: >Yeah!

Dad: Ok, then. Well… gather round. You see, back then people could read and write in cursive. Not everyone had a cell phone, but those who did… their cell phone was a… a phone. We all realized that we knew someone who knew someone who knew someone who knew Kevin Bacon. A famous football player named OJ Simpson got away with murder. The President of the United States of America had an affair with an intern and got away with that. A cult group thought that they could hitch a ride to heaven on a comet by taking poison. I’m not really sure if they got away with that. And everyone thought that the entire modern world would crash when we hit the year 2000!

Kids: Dad! That’s crazy!

Dad: You want to hear something crazy? We all thought that M. Night Shymalan was a creative genius!

Kids: Who?!

Dad: Exactly. And I don’t mean to scare you guys, but in those days there were less than 100 channels on TV and hardly any internet.

Kids: NOOOOO!!

Kid 1: You were there when the internet started?

Dad: Yup. No YouTube, no online stores, no Google, no Facebook.

Kid 2: So why didn’t you start one of those and become rich and famous?

Dad: Well now, that’s complicated...

Dad begins to reminisce.
Kids get up and hold flashback sign, make flashback sounds.

Dad (in 1990) tapping on keyboard: Oh my gosh! This internet thing is amazing… Without investing a dime, without hiring a single person I could create a super slick online web-oriented store or service and sell it to everyone out there. I could become stinking, filthy rich! I’m going to do that! I’m going to… ohhh… cute kittens.

Dad stops to watch kitten video then suddenly shakes head, returning to his idea…

Dad: Oh, no, no… got to focus… ok, the first thing I’ll have to do is… Hey! Isn’t that the dancing baby from Ali McBeal? That’s computer generated. Amazing!

Dad stops again, momentarily distracted. Then suddenly shakes head an refocuses…

Dad: Ok, now I’m going to take my ideas and put them on a web site and… oh, just got an email… the King of Nigeria… Oh my Gosh! He needs my help to get his money out of the country! … No! Focus! I’ll do that later. Right now I’m gon’na… oh! Victoria Secret’s online.

Dad begins pressing one button over and over (as if viewing picture after picture) and pressing and pressing and pressing and pressing…


The end.
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